Alright folks, here it is. The real life behind the facade that is minor league baseball. You see the fun that happens at the baseball games, but the reality of it all, is the struggle that comes before and after. This is what traveling as a baseball wife actually looks like! The stories that you are about to read are some of our funnier ones. The times that we just didn’t get it quite right. The trips where we made plans... and failed horribly, but learned to laugh because of it. Some of these are just down right embarrassing... some of them you may have had to be there to truly grasp the humor, but over all they are pretty funny and worth writing down. Oh, and yes... most of these include our dog Bella. I didn’t realize exactly how much laughter she has brought to our lives thus far... but when I sat down to write this (and text a couple of girls to accumulate stories), I started to see a pattern of just how much hilarity she has added to our (and many other) lives. For instance some stadiums have a "Wet Nose Wednesday" or "Bark in the Park" where you can bring your dog to the park... well during her first game... she literally stopped and pooped right in the isle... but I am getting ahead of myself! So, here we go...
CRAZY AIRPORTS: Airports can be tricky. Especially on your first try, or with a dog in tow. Here are a couple of reason why I know that to be true.
• I think it is only right to start off with my very first baseball related trip, all by myself... The trip was to Jamestown, NY. I don't know if you have ever been there... but I actually wouldn't recommend it. Unless you really like "I Love Lucy" and want to go for the Lucille Ball museum. Anyhow, Tyler had just been drafted, we were freshly engaged, and I missed him! So, I was going to visit him all on my own. I had never been on a plane by myself before... and I definitely never had to maneuver LaGuardia by myself. So I was a little nervous. I had planned everything out to a T. I knew what terminal I was landing and changing planes at. I had the rental car booked. I thought I was good to go. My original plan was to fly out of Houston and into NY- LaGuardia and change planes to one bound for Buffalo. From there I had a rental car and was going to drive the couple of hours to Jamestown... easy right?! WRONG. My flight to Laguardia was delayed. I missed my connecting and had to be rerouted. That put me in a different terminal and scheduled to land in Buffalo at 12:30am. The rental car place closed at midnight... lucky for me, the line was so long that they couldn't close at midnight. I had never rented a car and they were asking all these questions about insurance. Sheesh. Fact of the matter, I didn't leave Buffalo until well after 1 am... as I mentioned earlier, I still had a couple of hours to drive. "I can do this! Driving is easy. I drive all over Texas to coach cheer camps. I have driven 9 hours in one trip, I can do this." Or so I thought, but again... I was wrong. About half way through this drive I end up on a toll road (one of those where you have no choice) and the man hands me a ticket... I am sorry, what? I had no idea what to do with that. In Texas you pay at the toll booth or by mail. So here I am, driving down a toll road in the rain, in a rental car, trying to figure out the windshield wipers and trying to read a ticket in the dark, in the middle of the morning, at 21 years old, in New York. I am trying to find cash to pay the dang toll with. I have no idea how much it is going to be or what this ticket means... well come to find out, you give the man at your exit the ticket and the money. I found enough money, barely. I made it through the tolls and all the way to Jamestown where I drove on tiny red brick roads to find Tyler sitting in the parking lot waiting for me, after 3 am. Needless to say... I learned very early in this baseball life, that plans mean nothing. So, don't waste the time, just wing it.
• Let me start this one by saying if you know Bella, then you know that she isn’t actually that friendly, especially to strangers... and men. So imagine my surprise when I am sitting in an airport and my dog jumps over 5 chairs to jump into a strange man’s lap... I’m sorry, what?! At first I’m just confused and then I’m a little embarrassed. I run over to the man and apologize. Of course, he says it’s no problem, she doesn’t look like she could do too much harm and then proceeds to point at my shirt (where Tyler’s team logo is) and ask if I was just at the baseball game. *insert wide eyed emoji here* I say, matter of fact I was. My husband was pitching so I stayed as long as I could and then headed out for the airport. He asked who my husband was and I said Tyler Eppler. His response was, Tyler seems like a really good guy, *again, insert wide eyed emoji here* and then proceeds to tell me he is a minor league coordinator with the Pirates. He patted Bella and said, “I guess she knows a friendly face when she sees one!” GREAT BELLA... casual... dogs senses are unreal y’all... and apparently my pup is a total brown noser!
• Did you know that some airports have potty rooms for dogs... yeah, Bella is not a fan. That's all... that's the whole story. But enjoy the quick video of my prissy pup.
• If you didn't know, I had to get a VISA to move here for the extended period of time that we are here. Which is all fine, except when I got to Japan I realized that I needed to be in a different line for customs, except I didn't know which one that was, and I didn't know how to ask. Eventually a lady picked my wide eyes out of the crowd, and asked if I knew where to go. She looked at my passport/ visa and pulled me out of line. She walked me to the other side of the room, to a separate line and put a huge orange cone behind me... So that was my first experience in Japan. A big orange cone that said don't go behind her, she is either a hazard or going to be here awhile. It wasn't that bad and I obviously made it through... but talk about nerve racking.
DANG TRUCK: Now, I love Tyler’s truck. Emphasis on Tyler. I like that I feel safe when we are driving in it and Tyler’s whole country boy vibe is super attractive but I hate driving it... no that’s not true... I HATE PARKING IT. Where do you park a vehicle this massive? Now, my Texas peeps... this is not a question for you. I know you are thinking that Buc-ee's has trailer parking... it will fit there. H-E-B has plenty of spots, just park in the back. But I’m not talking about in Texas.... I’m talking about having to park the thing in places like Washington D.C. or Portland, Maine where the parking spots are made for those little Fiat 500s, AT MOST... but it has made for some interesting stories AND stress. I literally woke up every morning and planned my day based on the question, “WHERE AM I GOING TO PARK IT?” Let me go ahead and say... all the time I spent thinking about it... didn’t make me successful every time.
For example:
• I am going to start this section off with one of my favorite stories, probably ever. At the time it wasn't so funny. But looking back on it, I am so glad it happened. I am pretty sure I made a life long friend during this trip. We were already friends and roommates but this put us over the top. So let's picture it. Ashley and I decided to go to the game but first we are going to go work out at the gym. We had planned it out to have plenty of time to go and still have time to get ready and go to the game... or so we thought. I pull into the gym in the big red truck and park in the back of the parking lot. It is a slanted space so it was easy to park in and should be easy to get out. Back of the parking lot and no-one was around. It was a small parking spot... but they all are, I just folded in the mirrors. We go in, we do great things. Feeling pretty good when we leave... until we get to the back of the parking lot and realize that people have decided to parallel park on the curb behind us. I kid you not. There was no way I could get out... but we try anyway. I really don't know how these people thought anyone was suppose to get out. So I squeeze into the drivers seat and Ashley stands behind to try and guide me out... well if you remember my mirrors are folded in so I can't even see her without turning around. The back window is dark. Oh did I mention its raining... so I literally can't see anything. We try a few times and finally we just pull back in and sit there. We laughed and decided to just wait it out. Well, no one comes... we go to the front desk and they make an announcement... still no one comes. We are sitting in the truck and realize that it is almost game time... we look at the maps. It was like 2 miles to the stadium. Y'all... WE WALKED two miles in the pouring rain to watch this baseball game. Dedicated? Crazy? All of the above? But we did it and I have probably never laughed so hard. I mean... what else were we going to do. We looked like drowned rats for the game and of course by the time the game was over the parking lot at the gym was totally empty and the guys thought we were insane... but looking back, I wouldn't have done it any other way.
• Here is another truly embarrassing parking story for you. Im telling you, it is my kryptonite. I remember this one pretty vividly because I was mortified. It was my first year traveling with T. We had just been married and started the regular season in PA. We went on a road trip with our roommates and it was my turn to drive... well hello big red truck, let's go to Richmond, Virginia. At this particular stadium the visitor player parking was right next to the stadium and was very limited. As we pulled in the lady tells us we are "in luck" because there is one spot left, just go all the way to the end. Y'ALL. The end meant that there was one small space left by a curb and if I was going to make it I would have to back in. Already, not my cup of tea. Up until this point in my life, I drove a tiny little Pontiac G5 with no back up camera. So needless to say, I didn't back it in anywhere... I never needed to anyway, it was small enough to swing into any parking spot. So... we try, and we try, and we try again. My friend Ashley tells me it is tight but try going left a little more. Well it kind of worked but y'all... I was so close to this car beside me I could have licked it and my tire was on the curb on the other side. We decide to try to adjust again and I look back and "lucky me" this parking spot is right by the visitor bullpen and every single one of my husband’s teammates was watching me. Now let me tell you, I had barely met anyone at this point in the season and this was their first impression of me. Solid. Anyway, they are literally waving at me and helping me park. Now, looking back on it, all of those guys are friends and they probably weren't judging me too hard... but in that moment... I had pretty much decided I should move home and try again next year...
WEIRD HOTELS:
• I am sorry, but if you can sleep in a hot room... I think you are a little crazy. If you can, go ahead and skip over this story because you won’t think it is so bad. But I CAN’T DO IT. And if I can't do it, you know that Tyler can't do it. I am actually pretty sure that he made me this way. But anyways, we were in Toledo, Ohio in mid May I believe... and our room was HOT. We couldn't make the air conditioner turn on so we called the front dest. They told us that they control the units and that since it wasn't summer yet, they did not have the air conditioners on for us to manipulate. Sure it is a northern state, so I guess I could get where they are coming from... maybe most years it is still cold in May... but this particular May it was in the 70s and we were on the west side of the hotel, so come the afternoon the sun was shining in and it was smoldering. I did my make up in the hallway because every time I put anything on my face, I would sweat it right off. They told us the best they could do was a box fan... so I had to open the fridge and let the box fan try to blow the cooler air around. At night we were sleeping with the box fan on the night stand beside us... by the way, none of it helped. Oh, the minor league life. It isn't as glamorous as you thought, is it?
• Have you ever washed your dog’s mouth out with soap... well me either but I have come very close, and no... not because she used a bad word. Y’all... this is about a hotel in Erie, PA. I gave you this location because it was so fitting. This hotel was STRAIGHT out of a horror film. Old, creepy, flickering lights... just "eerie". Every room had a different great great great grandma theme. Bad wall paper and TV’s from the 70's equipped with antenna and the creepy static when you first turn it on. I was kind of scared that when I left the room I would be stuck in one of those endless hallways from American Horror Story. But I digressed, the point is... it was old and creepy and NOT clean. I am going to go ahead and say it, I’m paranoid. Especially when it comes to Bella. I mean, it’s scary not having a vet to take her to if something happens, so I just try to be careful... well home girl was running around in the room and her tiny little ass went under the bed and came out with something in her mouth and I freaked out. Come to find out, it was a jelly bean. A JELLY BEAN. Totally disgusting. It was white, but I don’t think it always was. It had either been there a long time or someone had licked all the color off of it. I am gagging thinking about it. I pulled it out of her mouth and it was mushy and just... ugh. On a side note, we had to sneak her into this hotel because it wasn’t animal friendly (even though it was more disgusting than any dog friendly hotel I have been in... beside the jelly bean, the sheets were kinda discolored and there was a towel on the bathroom floor). For those of you that have never had to sneak a dog into a hotel (because when you travel it isn’t with a baseball team, so you get an option on the hotels you stay in) it also means you have to sneak them in and out when they have to pee... this takes cooperation on the dogs part. I know, you are thinking she is tiny... well she is tiny but that makes her harder to hold on too. And she is a squirmy little thing. So, same hotel. Tyler has her stuffed in his coat and as we are passing some friends in the hall, she hears them say hello and out she pops through Tyler’s neck hole... like a jack in the box. Granted, we got a great laugh out of it because they had no idea she was in there, but let’s just say, we had to get a little more creative after that.
• Okay, so now I am going to bring to your attention something that you probably have never thought about. What times are baseball games usually? 7pm or so, right. And what time do you have to check out of a hotel? 11 am... 12 at the latest, right. So when we (wives, fiancés, girlfriends) travel with our guys, they go to the field when we check out and we are pretty much just stranded for about 7 hours. Well, we have to find something to do with our time. Sometimes we go to a park, every once in a while we find something to eat or a Starbucks to sit in, sometimes we sit in the lobby and use their wifi for Netflix, I am also guilty of sleeping in the car outside the stadium. But occasionally... we window shop. I say window shop because if we legit shopped every "get away day" of an away series... we would be seriously in debt. So on this particular day we were at a tjmaxx. I had taken Bella with us... well because I had to. And y'all... huge mistake. We were fine for the first part of the trip. I always get a basket and put a blanket down and she sits in the basket. Well, all I had was a jacket and this basket was too big and her paws kept falling through the bottom of the basket, so I just put her in the child's seat. Well at some point she decided she was super dog and took a flying leap out of the basket and on to the floor. But instead of landing on her feat, she landed ON HER HEAD. She squealed... I panicked. My friend Ashley came running from across the store. Literally the noise that Bella made, made our hearts STOP. We waited for a little bit and then she started making this weird hiccuping noise. Remember earlier when I said that it is scary when you are in a random place and don't have a vet to take your animal to... WELL lets just say we had to google emergency vets in our area. Needless to say we spent the remaining time before the game in a vets office and I spent way more than I would have ever been able to at Tjmaxx for them to tell me that she should be fine. Y'all... $400 for a panic attack, a dog treat (that she didn't even eat), and a time killer before a baseball game. All because we had nowhere to go... and my dog thinks she is invincible!
Sometimes baseball is fun, sometimes it’s a mess, but it is almost always a good story.