Alright… we all know it. I will say it first. Yes, Bryn looks like her father.
“Little Tyler.” I know, I know… I am aware.
“Did you even contribute DNA?!” Probably not.
“He can’t deny that he’s her daddy!” Well, Lord I hope not!
I carried her and birthed her. What some would call the hard stuff. *wink wink* But apparently there isn’t a lick of me in that little body. It doesn’t bother me to hear it, not AT ALL!
I swear.
…until it does…
but only just a little.
Do I sound bitter yet? But that’s really not it. I love that she looks like him. I happen to love what he looks like. I love that she got his blue eyes. His long legs. The way their nose wrinkles. I love the habits she got from him. The way they both stick their tongue out when they concentrate. The way she passes up the playground for the putting green. The way she knows no strangers. The way she copies every word he says. Dare I say it, even their one-track mind. It may drive me nuts sometimes, but they put their heart and soul into whatever they are doing. I can appreciate that.
But there is still nothing like spending every waking moment with a tiny human. Never taking time for yourself because you are doing your best to raise them. Constantly hearing how gorgeous she is (which will never get old, because I wholeheartedly agree!) but then in one fell swoop, being *not so subtly* reminded she didn't get any of those good looks from you. Ouch. That knife cuts deeper than expected. Even though I know it wasn’t meant that way!
But the beauty of being a stay at home mom in a country all by ourselves… is I see everything she does. Literally everything. She may not physically look like me but I love watching her grow… because contrary to belief, she is like me in a lot of ways! She has my appreciation for puzzles, drawing, but most of all… reading. Give the kid a good book and nothing else matters. She never turns down an animated movie. YA GIRL CAN SLEEP ANYWHERE. She has literally zero FOMO. (Now, I didn’t acquire the ability to ignore the “fear of missing out” until much later in life but I think this could work in her favor). I have a few dance teachers and a couple of cheer coaches that would be really proud of her involuntarily pointed toes! (Toes that can and will pinch you if you get too close!) She does have my hair. Fear of heights, absolutely not. She definitely got that from me. She never turns down the chance to dance. Pickles. You have them, she will eat them. Same girl, same.
So even though it stings just a little… I’m not offended that she looks like her daddy… because what is really important is coming next. Sometimes it’s HARD for a mom to see anything good in herself after having a baby. It’s so easy to notice the stuff that sucks now. The way your body shape changed and now your favorite clothes fit funny. The way your hair just FELL OUT of your head… what even is that?! The way your skin randomly likes to break out now. Pregnancy really builds you up. Makes you feel beautiful. They call it a pregnancy glow for a reason... and then it just drops you from the highest mountain. Changes your hormones and everything you liked about yourself. I find it easier to get over that when I can see the good in me, in my child as she grows. So not everyone sees it... That’s okay. Not everyone immediately notices that she is always eager to help, or that she organizes her things by colors/ straight lines, or eats her favorite piece of candy last. But through those little acts, she saves me everyday. She shows me the good in myself. Even if it isn’t the physical stuff that we tend to notice first.
So yes, my kid is the spitting image of my husband. She is a Tyler Jr, in more ways than one. Looking forward, she will probably be really good at bowling. She will most likely hate tomatoes. I hope he teaches her to play the guitar. I have no doubt that she will continue to choose the tractor and cows over all her other toys. She may grow up and remain his twin… but I will continue to remind myself, that she is the best parts of him AND the best parts of me. But most importantly, she is made in God's image. So, in my totally biased opinion… in a really imperfect world... she’s perfect. I think I will keep her, and her twin!