No one has ever questioned whether I enjoy taking pictures. It’s very clear that I do. But if you are a self declared photographer like me… have you ever sat and wondered, do I put my phone down and live in the moment... Or tuck my face behind my phone and take every picture/ video imaginable? Will I regret not being totally present or will I regret not having captured a special moment in my life?
Well my answer has suddenly become so clear. I just lost a best friend. And it weighs heavy. Literally everything hurts. Like the ground fell out from under me and I rolled down a cliff. But even in the fog state… where you can’t wrap your mind around it. When you are just trying to process the words you are hearing over the phone… It’s incredible how vividly the memories rush back. The moments that made us who we are. How you can remember every word. How you can see the expressions on your loved ones face. For me, it was the exact moment that Travis introduced me to Tyler. Climbing into a car in the NHS parking lot. Tyler was driving and TP was in the passenger seat. Then it was him sitting on the grass of the Indianapolis Indians baseball field watching the 4th of July fireworks with us. He was late, missed the whole game, and literally made it only for the fireworks. Then the sudden image of him pouring milk into our fanciest glass (I don't know why, but he always did that). Grabbing some of Peg’s cookies out of the pantry… and then letting Bryn take the first bite. And in that moment all I wanted to do was “screenshot” everything running through my mind. Because I never wanted it to go away. And just as quickly as the memories came, they were submerged back into the fog. Grief is a fickle thing. It sucks. And all I wanted to do was see him. No matter how bad it hurt. So I went straight to my phone. To the depths of Facebook. As far back in my phone memories as my iCloud would take me. And there he was, as a fourth grader in an Oakland A’s T-shirt. As a football player in his Rattler blue. As a groomsman standing beside Tyler in our wedding. There he was holding my baby. Swinging a rope. Selling a truck.
I never want to be the mom that people see in public and go “she isn’t even playing with her kid… she is just so worried about her phone!” And I hate to think that I’m going to miss something important because I’m too busy trying to “capture” it. Maybe I will just strap a GoPro to my head because we all know I take it to the extreme. I already have an ABUNDANCE of pictures, poorly separated into way too many albums. It takes me 30 minutes to find pictures when I go looking… But never have I looked at a picture and thought “dang… I hate that I took the time to take that picture. I hate that I captured that precious memory”. I have never looked back at a video from a family gathering and thought “man… I really shouldn’t have wasted my time videoing the people I love, as they laugh around the table”. I know you need to be present for the memory to be relevant, but there has to be a happy medium.
Social media is all consuming in this day and age. Technology is fascinating. We spend way more time on our phones than we should. As much as I want to step away sometimes... sometimes it’s worth it. Sometimes these weird little boxes hold our most precious gifts and memories.
So hug your loved ones and tell them you love them. Don’t sit on your phone and miss out on the conversation but take the dang picture. Find your happy medium. Snap it real quick and then go back to baiting your hook, or eating thanksgiving dinner, or watching a game. You never know when it could be the most important memory. One day, it may be all you have left.
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