Bryn makes it look easy, y’all. Heck, she is pretty easy. Other than her growing independence and ever so subtle sass...she is a happy baby. She is learning so quickly. She sleeps really well for us (most of the time). Teething hasn’t been a huge issue so far. When she falls down, she gets back up. When she laughs, your heart will LITERALLY melt. She has a smile that brings strangers from near and far, just to say hello. She likes most foods. She sleeps anywhere. She travels LIKE A CHAMP! She grins almost every time you put a camera in front of her (which is why everyone thinks she is always smiling). She generally isn’t fussy. *knocking on wood, as we speak, hoping none of this changes* BUT SHE IS SOMEHOW STILL SO MUCH HARD WORK! Even with an “easy” baby, parenting is still SO DIFFICULT. Goodness gracious. God bless the families with tough babies because, ya girl is freakin’ EXHAUSTED. Sometimes I feel like there isn’t enough of me to go around. Wash the bottles, pick up the toys, do the laundry, cook the food, find the diaper cream, worry about the spot that made you go look for the diaper cream, change the diaper again just incase the cream isn't working, etc. It’s like I am living from nap to nap. When she wakes up I am waiting for the time to put her back to sleep because I have so much to do and it won’t get done while she is untying the shoes on my feet, or I’m "breastfeeding", or I’m having to sing “if you're happy and ya know it” for the umpteenth time in one hour just so she can clap those perfect little hands. But when the craziness finally lets up and I remind myself that the bed doesn’t need to be made and the toys on the floor are fine where they are. I get to spend those precious hours playing with my girl or teaching her to count or not doing the laundry, because let’s be honest… I didn’t want to do that anyway. But it’s okay that some things are difficult.
Moving this last round STRESSED me out. It’s never super easy but Bryn definitely changed the dynamics of packing for us. It didn’t help that this move was out of the country and required a lot more planning. (I packed for two months in half a suitcase... honestly, for me, that's unheard of. I'm the definition of an overpacker) It didn’t help that I threw a first birthday party for my daughter 3 days before we left. It didn’t help that traveling with a small child is just harder! If you plan to take a baby on a plane anytime soon and want to practice… go outside and get the most tame raccoon you can find… and then bear hug it. I chose raccoon because they are relatively equivalent in size, they are just cute enough to distract you, but wild enough to get the point across. That’s what it's like to get an infant to sit in your lap and not crawl under the seat for the toy she dropped, or play with/ pull the ladies hair that is hanging over the seat in front of you, or throw their body around because they want the pretzels that are being passed out. Bryn sleeps most of the flight, but when she isn’t asleep it’s exhausting, but it’s okay that some things are difficult.
And don’t get me started on these dadgum hormones. Laaaaaaawd. I knew what I signed up for when I got pregnant. I knew my body was going to change. But someone tell the soon-to-be mommas out there that it doesn’t go away after a couple of months. I am one year in and everyday is still a new struggle. I am still waking up with new issues. I have a weird rash or my teeth hurt OR MY HAIR IS STILL FALLING OUT. There have been mornings when I question wanting to go anywhere because who wants to be seen bald, toothless, and covered in some weird rash. *Oh and did I mention the hormones also make you dramatic and a tad irrational. * I suppose that it isn’t that bad… I have never been completely bald, toothless, or covered head to toe in some weird rash. But I have felt that way. And THAT'S OKAY. My body is different now, I have come to terms with it. But it’s also okay that I don’t like it sometimes. It’s okay that some things are difficult.
Some of y'all know that if I wasn't full time mommin', I would be a teacher. Sometimes I see pictures of the kids that I have taught, and I miss spending my days at the schoolhouse. Then other days, I think about what this world is like right now... and I feel sorry for all the teachers out there. They are workin hard you guys... WAY TOO HARD. Testing, differentiating instruction, and loving those babies was hard before virtual instruction and everything else that has been put into place in the last two years. Have some grace if you are struggling with your child's teacher right now. They care about your baby. They care about all the babies. But they care about their own babies too, because most of them have families to go home and take care of too. Their plates are full, their hours are long, and their mental health is important! Now, I am not saying they should use this as an excuse to be lazy or mean... if that is the kind of teacher you are dealing with, then that is someone who probably didn't have their heart set on being a teacher in the first place, but I can promise you this... there are not many teachers left out there that don't genuinely love their job and your kiddos. I don't believe you can be a teacher anymore and not love what you do. If they didn't love it... they wouldn't do it. It isn't worth it. And even though they are trying their best... its hard. And it is okay that some things are difficult.
Right now we live in the Dominican Republic. It’s a dream right?! The beach is beautiful, the free time is great, and we have a sweet lady who cooks and cleans for us but it’s HARD being away from home again. We had just settled in and Bryn was getting to know everyone. Also, it’s hot here y’all. Like crazy hot and the bugs do not understand personal space. DON'T DRINK THE WATER. I repeat… do not drink the water. And then there is the constant reminder that I have zero independence left. Every time I step into the restroom, the toilet paper roll gets completely unraveled. When I try to take a bite of my food and it mysteriously disappears off my fork. Brushing my hair but then I am suddenly washing bottles. When I’m riding down the road and trying to take in the scenery but can’t because I am being used as a human jungle gym (no car seats here…). When we are eating out and I don't enjoy my food because I am more worried about the taco juices that are all over Bryn’s head (not all restaurants have highchairs… it’s unfortunate). Sometimes I miss doing things, on my own, that bring me joy. But then Brynlee Ann wraps her arms around me and gives me one of her sweet/ very slobbery open mouth kisses, and I completely melt and that is when I am reminded that I would rather be saying "ewww, stinky toes" as she shoves her foot in my face than anything else in the world. But it’s okay that some things are still difficult.
So far, the only bad thing about being a parent is being woken up in the middle of the night. I’m sorry… no matter what you say, I will not believe you if you say that being awoken from a dead sleep by a loud noise is EVER fun. Never. Even if you aren't a parent, I’m sure all of us have experienced a loud crash of thunder or a fire alarm at a hotel. Scary. You are disoriented. Confused. It’s just all around not good. Well… multiply that by every night (in the beginning). You don’t get used to it. No one tell an expecting mom that she will get used to the weird hours. You don’t. You make do, but there is no getting used to waking up to a scream. Now we are to the point where Bryn sleeps through the night. But when she doesn’t… panic. First, it’s 2 o'clock in the morning. You are confused. Then it hits you… why is she crying?! Something is wrong. Is it her stomach, teeth, does she have a fever? She usually sleeps through the night... Now it’s 2 in the morning and you are nauseous because something is wrong with your child and she can’t tell you what. She just yells at you while you stumble around in the dark. It’s okay, that it doesn’t get easier. It’s okay that it’s difficult.
If you read any of this and thought that I was ungrateful or unhappy... please reread it, after you finish this last paragraph. Because I can be 100% happy and thankful for everything in my life and still struggle. It’s okay that not every single thing is easy. It’s okay to take a breather sometimes. It’s okay to be upset. It’s not okay to let the joy be sucked out of you. It’s not okay to lose yourself. It’s not okay to hide away and miss the good stuff. Because your baby needs you. Or your spouse needs you. Or your boss needs you. I used a lot of examples revolving around motherhood, because that’s where I am in life. But it’s not just about that… no matter what stage you are in. No matter how busy you are. No matter how easy social media makes it look for everyone else. IT'S OKAY THAT SOME THINGS ARE DIFFICULT. Pick yourself up or reach out and let someone else help you up. Honestly, Jesus is probably your best bet. Say a prayer. But if you aren’t there yet… and it feels like you don’t have anyone in your corner and you don’t know who to reach out to, PICK ME! I would be glad to to help you up… because someone out there needs you. And when that thought can sometimes be a lot to handle, it can be really rewarding too. What you are doing matters. It’s important. Hang in there… and find comfort in knowing that you don’t have to be perfect… it’s okay that some things are difficult.