Always say, “I Love You.”

You know those confusing movies that you watch that skip back and forth from past to present? They are kind of hard to follow? Yeah, I hate those too. Well sorry, because that is the post you are about to read. I wasn’t really sure how else to set it up. I originally wrote the following 3 paragraphs in May 2020. I came upon it by accident. I don’t know why I never published it. It’s probably because I didn’t get very far. Maybe that is because -excuse my language- sh*t hit the fan with COVID and baseball stopped and we moved a bunch of times. Or maybe it’s because I was pregnant and hormonal and just too emotional to finish it. Either way, as much as I hate to say it… it’s more relevant today. When I wrote this two years ago, I probably had a lot of hope that our world would be in a better place. Instead it’s worse. Three years into a pandemic. I would put how many “variants” but I can’t even count them. Uncontrollable media and personal opinions. (So much so that people can’t agree on anything and you can’t believe anything you read.) And now war. Yeah, this next part is relevant. Let’s go back in time a little bit…

“The world we live in right now is... unusual, to say the least. In January, Kobe passed in a helicopter accident. For some people, that was enough to help them realize how much they love their friends and family. In February, we left for spring training... and that is always enough for me to realize how much I cherish my friends and family. And in March, COVID-19 took the nation... no, no, the world... and that should be enough for everyone to realize how much they need their friends and family.

I always laugh at myself, because I can be almost obsessive with telling people I love them. I mean, I’m not just walking up to strangers or anything. But I probably should… that’s what Jesus would do. We would probably live in a better world if we all loved our neighbors a little more, and let them know it…but I digress. I think it started after I married Tyler and we started moving all over the place. It made me realize that we spend a lot of time away from our favorite people in life.... and I challenged myself to let them know I love them enough times in 4 months to last them the 8 months we are gone. When friends leave our house (even if it is just to run to the gas station down the street) I always say, “You guys be careful, love y’all!” Sometimes I tell Tyler I love him as I’m walking to the kitchen. I always tell Bella I love her when I leave the house, even if she doesn’t really know what that means. I always say it before I hang up the phone. If I don’t get it out before you hang up, I’ll probably text you. But I don’t ever want to regret not saying it. My Nanny went to be with Jesus while we were living in Altoona, PA. It was my first baseball season on the road with T. I remember being in the car with another couple and seeing I had 2 missed calls. I think I knew, even before I could call mom back. But when she said the words, I was heartbroken. I hated that I wasn’t there when she left but I found comfort in knowing that the last thing I said to her was “I love you!” I didn’t have to think about it. I never once had to ask myself what the last thing she heard me say was. I didn’t have to regret her leaving without knowing how much I cared about her. So if you have someone you love and you haven’t told them you love them, do it. Call them. Because with all the uncertainty in the world right now, we never know what will happen next in this life.

As a teacher, or substitute rather, I know for a fact that every teacher out there wishes they would have been able to tell those littles that they love them, just one more time. Most schools left for spring break, and never came back. Every time I finish a sub job, I feel the emptiness they feel right now. I go into a classroom for a couple of months and it’s just never enough time. It always feels unfinished... and when I walk out of that classroom I miss those kiddos so much it hurts, but at least I know the last thing I said to them (I almost always say basically the same thing, I’m a creature of habit) was “Your teacher will be back next week and I am going to miss y’all so much! Just know that I love y’all BIG and will always do what I can to help you, no matter where I live! Hugs or high-fives as you leave the classroom! Car riders, line up.”

That was it. That was as far as I got. It sat in my drafts, incomplete, for almost 2 years. And as I try to finish it now, I think it’s because I couldn’t find the right words... because I’m still kind of stumped. And yes, I know. The last part about the teachers isn’t relevant in the states anymore. Educators have been back in the classroom and working as hard as ever… but I imagine not the same can be said in other parts of the world. Where people are fighting, running, and praying for their lives… I would bet in the midst of crisis that the teachers are still worried about the children that sat in their classrooms last week. Because that is who they are.

Our world is not okay. There are some devastating things happening. So, never forget to say I love you. Even if you feel broken. Because love is the only thing that is going to bring us back. God’s love, more specifically, is the only thing that is going to bring us back.

It’s not silly. Everyone wants to hear it. You matter to someone, even if they can’t find the words. Be the light. Always say, “I love you.”