Hey friends, welcome back! So, this is going to be a little bit different than usual. 2020 is already keeping me on my toes, so I figured it would be appropriate to try something new! I am actually going to share a couple of excerpts from blogs that I wrote (and never published because... well, I might be a pretty open person... but sometimes letting others know your fears, makes it all a little too real). And then I am going to tell you just how insanely cool God is and how He has been working in and through us. How he can take our biggest fears and fix it... just like that. As long as we trust his timing. So... here it goes!
The first, I wrote right before Christmas. So when that is mentioned... don't worry, I didn't simply forget that Christmas already happened!
"But honestly, the constant butterflies in my stomach have nothing to do with what presents I have to buy or making sure we make it to every family/ friend gathering... and everything to do with knowing that once the holidays are over, we have no idea where we are going to go. We literally have zero idea where we are going to live. Japan? Maybe. Somewhere in the states? Could be. South Korea? That’s a possibility too at the moment. Will we know in a timely manner? Probably not. Will we be prepared? Not likely. Will we know it’s God’s plan? Absolutely. But the worst part is not knowing if we will have a place to go at all... it has never been like this before. We have always known that we would be with the Pirates... (granted God blessed us with something greater in the new year, but at this point in the off season every other year, we had a semi-plan). We always went to Bradenton, Florida for spring training, and then from there is where it got a little iffy. But I have never had to worry, right before Christmas (when we are spending all kinds of money), if we would have somewhere to go next season...
I know this is a God thing... but honestly, my anxiety has still been through the roof about it. I find myself randomly being taken over by the urge to take deep breaths and pray. Seriously... driving in the car, teaching 4 year olds the letter O, sitting on a flight to Vegas. I don’t know what it is that starts it. It’s usually something really great that sends me into a tail spin, though. I think “Wow, I’m so blessed”, and then my heart skips a beat and I’m at a total loss for words and I get all flustered. Something so simple... like realizing how much I love a bunch of pre-k kids who figured out that O makes 2 sounds... I was passing out hugs and high fives to my whole class as they told me what sounds the letter O makes and it suddenly hit me that that in a couple of weeks, they will be someone else’s class. They will be wrapping their little arms around someone else and telling them how much they love them... and where will I be? It also happens when singing along to Lauren Daigle songs. It starts with simply realizing that God is good and then I start thinking about how thankful I am for the opportunity to still be freaking out over the game of baseball. I know it’s something I have taken for granted in the past. The most recent encounter with the panic of unknown was during our trip to Vegas... I was sitting on the plane with Tyler and it automatically made me think about the fact that I could be on a plane to “God only knows where” in 2 months. My sanity is sparse these days. I’m in a constant spin of panic and praying... but honestly, maybe that’s the point. God tends to know how to bring us closer to him and I’m thankful for the opportunity to know Him better... but man, all I want for Christmas is a plan. Really, I don’t need to know God’s whole plan... I would settle for a sneak peak!"
The second, was titled "If you are looking to buy a camper...", and this one I will actually publish because it gives a little insight into how we live (so keep an eye out for that!), buuuut I wanted to share a small section of it here.
"I am bringing you this blog from the couch in our travel trailer. Yeah, spoiler alert, we used to live in this camper... but now we use it for vacations (which we are currently on) and as I sit here, I am feeling a little nostalgic of our traveling/ living all over the country in our little home. I thought it would be hard to get used to. I thought I would struggle with the smaller size of EVERYTHING. The shower. The bed. The stove. The freezer that was too small to hold a frozen pizza. But with all that, was a smaller area to clean and we learned to live with only the necessities… and I miss it. I love this little house on wheels. Our first home. I know, we have lived in plenty of other places and we own rent houses... But we never owned a home that was truly just ours. It was never anyone elses and I miss the heck out of living in it."
To sum it up... November and December were rough on me mentally. I had no idea what the future held for us. We were soaking up time with our families and preparing to leave again... but didn’t know where we were going to live or what kind of future baseball held for us. And anyone that knows me... knows that I tend to overthink things... so I was thinking about it almost every waking moment of the day. But fast forward to January 6th.
I am driving in my car and Tyler's voice comes over the speakers as I press accept call: "The Nationals made an offer." And with those simple words... our lives changed. Bam! God reminded me how faithful he is. We get to live in our camper again. We get to keep living the baseball dream. We have a plan, at least for the immediate future. West Palm Beach for Spring Training. Those 5 little words made my heart stop. They made me pause for a second and say a prayer of thanks. Suddenly the tears turned from worry to excitement. My heart swelled with pride (which I didn’t know I could get more of.) The Washington. Freakin. Nationals. Those words stopped me in my tracks and made me take a really deep breath, and let it out really slowly. And in that moment, I realized that a sigh of relief... is just God filling us with hope and then helping us let go of the worry.
